Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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