you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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