in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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