I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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