apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
