that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
