Apparently you make a good broom.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
