I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
