I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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