yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
