Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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