I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
