ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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