her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i think my cat just said my name.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
