Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
