I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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