i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
