the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
