Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
