i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
