If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize