there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
