you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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