i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
