I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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