my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know her cup size but not her name....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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