my mouth tastes like poor choices
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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