Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
