Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
