I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize