My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
