I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
