It's like God shit irony all over that family
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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