i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
