Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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