My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
