Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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