haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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