Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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