Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
