What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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