I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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