his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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