You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
