Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
