Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
