i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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