dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
