I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize