dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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