We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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