you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
