Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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