i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
