cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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