I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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