You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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