ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
