Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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