i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
