it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
