Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
