I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ugly people sure do ruin things
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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