Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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