U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
