mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my liver is dry heaving
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
