it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
