That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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