Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
