Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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