That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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