I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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