my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
