your room smells of hookers.
And success
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
