My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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