I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize