She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
