Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
