I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
