i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The uberlube is also flammable
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
