I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
