if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize