so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
