Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
