my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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