I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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