I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
