me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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