On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
