So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize