Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
