so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
