someone threw a dead crab at me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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