I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
