It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
