My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize