The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
