i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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