You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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