halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
