everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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