I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
