fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
