Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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