I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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