Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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