You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize