I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
