I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
