I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
