i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
